We cover a lot of heavy topics here at Buzz Cuts and Bustiers, from coming out and living with STDs to gender dysphoria and healthcare inequality. Sometimes, we just need to break up all the Serious McSeriousness with a light, frivolous, fun post, ya know? Well, I don’t have any new Dita Von Teese pictures to share with you (much to my dismay), so let’s talk about something else we all enjoy drooling over: hats!
Even the straightest of the straights and the freshest of the babygays know this to be a fact – dykes fucking love hats. It’s encoded into our Gay Gene, much like our innate need to over-analyze every sexual act or our inability to maintain long fingernails. Go into any lesbian bar on a Saturday night and you’ll see more hats than this guy could fit on his head. Baseball caps! Fedoras! Flatcaps! Beanies! Even cowboy hats, worn ironically or sincerely! The Mad Hatter was totally queer (look at that sassy pose).
Full disclosure: I, Bren, am a hardcore hat addict. (I’m also a hardcore tie, vest, and action figure addict; my episode of Intervention would be the most dapper/geeky ever.) Last year, Goorin Brothers opened a store in Boston and my wallet trembled in fear. If you’re a dyke – particularly a butch – who hasn’t yet heard of Goorin Bros. and is on a budget of any sort, stop reading now. It’s the chapeau-lovers answer to a candy store, or rather, a candy store where the best candy costs like $100. I really feel like I should just have an open tab at their Newbury St. store; I already have a customer loyalty card (only six more hats until my freebie!), which is just as dangerous.
Last weekend, I visited Goorin with my GF and a butch buddy of mine. We were the only customers in the store and the clerk was a fellow gender-nonconforming queer, so we had a blast trying on all manner of hats. Oh, should I say, my buddy and I tried on hats while my GF gave us the Femme Caesar thumbs up or thumbs down. Due to my ridiculously tiny head, which makes finding a good hat (fedoras particularly) a challenge, I got way more thumbs down. Or maybe she’s just a tougher critic when it comes to me; who knows? I finally ended up with the Lucas flatcap, while my buddy got the Andrew fedora. We were quite the stylish group, if I may say so myself.
When I asked my awesome butch, stud, boi, and genderqueer Twitter friends what kind of hats they like to rock, I got answers as diverse as our big LGBT family. Let’s explore some of our favorites, shall we?
The baseball cap. A wardrobe staple for sporty dykes everywhere, baseball caps are a great casual hat to throw on when you’re working outside, running to the store, or having a bad lesbian hair day (we all have ’em, even us short-haired types). Fitted or adjustable (or “snapback,” as the kids call it), there’s a cap for every taste. I like the trucker look myself, despite it being tainted by Ashton Kutcher. (Totally buying that beaver hat, BTW.) Since I’m about as interested in sports as I am in men, none of my ball caps have athletic logos on them. But I don’t like the plain Jane look either, though it can look kinda cool and vintage. So what kind of baseball caps do I rock? Superhero ones, ‘natch. Geek: wear it loud; wear it proud.
The flatcap. Also known as the driving cap, ivy, cabbie, or scally, flatcaps are my personal fave for adding a dash of dapper to any outfit. I have roughly 40 million of these guys tumbling out of my closet: plaid ones, striped ones, wool ones, cotton ones, linen ones, you name it. I like pairing them with a suit vest and tie for a sort of turn of the century casual gent look. The flatcap seems to be a popular choice for butches, based on my Twitter research and the crowd at most Boston queer events. And fellas, let me tell you – the femmes go crazy for them. Just putting that out there.
The beanie. Beanies are classic cold weather gear, but they’re not limited to blizzard conditions. I see dykes beanied-out right in the middle of July. While I get hot just looking at them (not necessarily in a sexy way), many can totally pull off the SoCal hipster-skater look. We queers are versatile like that.
The cadet. Atten-TION! At ease, soldier. The cadet, which also goes by the army cap or the unfortunate “Castro” – a shout out to that stylish Cuban – is a favorite of socialists and hip young urbanites everywhere. I have a Kangol cadet that I sometimes think I look really awesome in and other times feel really dumb in, so your mileage may very.
The fedora. This may be one of the hardest types of headwear to pull off. Do it right, and you look like a super classy, Sinatra-esque smooth operator. Do it wrong, and you look like an aging rock star and/or a douchebag. I recommend saving your fedoras for dressier outfits – a full suit, or at least something involving a button-down. If you’re pairing your fedora with a T-shirt (or, worse, a sweatshirt), you’re gonna look kinda toolish. Just sayin’, man, just sayin’. Since fedoras are not my everyday hats and can be quite pricey, I only own a couple right now. My spring/summer fashion goal is to procure a straw fedora that doesn’t look completely ridiculous on me. I’ll keep you posted on my search.
But enough about me (not that you could ever get enough of me, amirite?) – what are your favorite hats? How do you rock ’em? Pics or it didn’t happen!