Q: What’s the best way to approach a lady in a bar setting? I’m lucky enough to live in a town with an awesome dyke bar (The Lexington in San Francisco), but don’t have the nerve/courage/confidence to make the first move. What are some techniques?
A: Truth be told, I have never been approached in a bar setting. I’m not that sure that it actually happens with any regularity in reality. Most people tend to go to the bar with their friends, and not as much intermingling happens as you might think. However, I do know what I’d like, so here you go.
When it comes to nerve, courage, and confidence, you have to take a deep breath and suck it up, buttercup.
If you see a girl who strikes your fancy, just walk up to her. Say “hi.” Ask her to dance (if it’s a club and not just a bar). Feel free to tell her what it was that attracted you to her – just be wary of saying anything that resembles a cheesy pick up line. It is OK to ask her if you can buy her a drink, but just don’t let that be the first thing out of your mouth. Let her finish the one she has first, or if you’re dancing, ask if you can buy her a drink after dancing and then find a quieter spot to actually talk to her. Pay attention to her, focus your attention on her. Make her feel happy that you’re there. Spend the rest of the night hanging out with her (do not focus on several girls at once!). If you leave first, ask for her number. If she leaves first, offer to wait for her cab with her or walk her to her car (make sure she’s sober!) or public transit stop. Be a gentlebutch! If you get her number, do call her the next day. Do ask her out to dinner. Do at least attempt to pay for dinner.
Good luck and happy hunting!