The Beaver Whisperer and the Dyke Bar Blues

Q: What’s the best way to approach a lady in a bar setting? I’m lucky enough to live in a town with an awesome dyke bar (The Lexington in San Francisco), but don’t have the nerve/courage/confidence to make the first move. What are some techniques?

A: Truth be told, I have never been approached in a bar setting. I’m not that sure that it actually happens with any regularity in reality. Most people tend to go to the bar with their friends, and not as much intermingling happens as you might think. However, I do know what I’d like, so here you go.

When it comes to nerve, courage, and confidence, you have to take a deep breath and suck it up, buttercup.

If you see a girl who strikes your fancy, just walk up to her. Say “hi.” Ask her to dance (if it’s a club and not just a bar). Feel free to tell her what it was that attracted you to her – just be wary of saying anything that resembles a cheesy pick up line. It is OK to ask her if you can buy her a drink, but just don’t let that be the first thing out of your mouth. Let her finish the one she has first, or if you’re dancing, ask if you can buy her a drink after dancing and then find a quieter spot to actually talk to her. Pay attention to her, focus your attention on her. Make her feel happy that you’re there. Spend the rest of the night hanging out with her (do not focus on several girls at once!). If you leave first, ask for her number. If she leaves first, offer to wait for her cab with her or walk her to her car (make sure she’s sober!) or public transit stop. Be a gentlebutch! If you get her number, do call her the next day. Do ask her out to dinner. Do at least attempt to pay for dinner.

Good luck and happy hunting!


2 thoughts on “The Beaver Whisperer and the Dyke Bar Blues

  1. Excellent advice! One other piece I’d add is be ready with a really gracious response if she turns you down…something that leaves the door open for future contact, says you are glad you spoke and at least let her know you were interested. And don’t take it too personally if she turns you down – you never know what’s up with her life, and what could happen in the future…

  2. Good point, Michelle. Also, don’t get discouraged if she does turn you down. As Michelle pointed out, you have no idea what’s going on in her life, it might have absolutely nothing to do with you. Don’t let one perceived rejection keep you from approaching someone else another night!

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