The Beaver Whisperer and the Slippery Solution

Q: I’m a bit of a newbie to the wonderful world of penetration and I’ve been shopping around for my first lube. Problem is, there are just too many to choose from! What should I be looking for? Are certain ingredients better for certain scenarios?

A: Dear Lube Newb,

You’ve come to the right place. Allow me to introduce you to the slippery world of artificial sexual lubricant. (I assume you’re familiar with the natural kind and coming to realize that sometimes the kind of penetration you and your girl want needs a little extra help with the slip and slide aspect of the game?)

Sex-a-go-go: So, you’ve got your girl pressed up against the wall of the bathroom at Diva’s (or Vixen, or the Oberon, or the Milky Way, but definitely not that awful and not to be named club that makes dykes go in through the back door and only lets them on the top floor), and you need some lube. For this situation, you want a water based lube. Water based lube can be removed with water, so you can go back to the party after you fuck. 

Fuck from dusk til dawn: For longer sessions, you want a silicone based lubricant. Silicone based lubes last longer than water based lubes, so you won’t need to reapply as often. This lube, however, needs to be washed away using soap and water.

Sex Involving Vaginas: NEVER use an oil-based lube. Oil based lubes aren’t designed to maintain the pH balance of the almighty vag, and they can cause yeast infections. They also break down latex, so they make safer sex very difficult. Just say “no” to oil based lube. “But what about that scene in that movie where they used Crisco?” Crisco (a brand of vegetable shortening) is ok for penises, but it’s not ok for vaginas. Crisco, and other oil-based lubes, prevent the vagina from cleaning itself and it promotes the growth of bacteria. So, if you don’t want your condom or glove to break and you don’t want a yeast infection, no Crisco!

Sex In The Hot Tub Porn Star-Style: If you’re fucking in water, you need a silicone based lube,  as a water based lube will instantly rinse away in the water.

Baby, I want your silicone cock: If you’re fucking with a silicone (or cyber-skin) cock or sex toy, use a water-based lube. The formula in silicone-based lubes can dissolve the surface of a silicone (or cyber-skin) cock or toy and it can disintegrate over time. 

Ass-Play: Try a gel instead of a liquid. A gel is more likely to stay in place during anal play. Be very careful, however, to not use any lube that contains benzocaine or any other numbing agent. Numbing agents mask pain, and during sex, this is bad. If you feel pain (bad pain as opposed to fun pain), you need to be aware of it so that you can change your position or add more lube or stop the activity. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that what’s happening isn’t safe for you.

Now, how do you choose the right lubricant for you? I’m sure you’ve looked at the above situations and recognized those that sound familiar to you. You’ve decided on water based lube or silicone based lube, but which one? There is going to be some trial and error to this process. Some lubes might feel gross or smell gross, and some will feel great and smell or taste good, too. Yay! Jackpot! Most female-owned sex positive toy stores have lube sample bottles that you can try out (on your fingers) and smell. Check out Good Vibrations in Brookline, MA and San Fransisco, Oh My! in Northampton, MA or Wild Hearts in Provincetown, MA.

Some things to watch out for:

1.  Glycerin is an ingredient in many water-based lubes and can cause yeast infections. If you’re prone to yeast infections and you’re using silicone sex toys, try to find a water-based lube that doesn’t contain glycerin.

2.  Oil-based lube: a big no-no for all vaginas. It also breaks down latex.

3.  Don’t use silicone-based lube on a silicone or cyber-skin cock or sex toy.

Recommendations from the Beaver Whisperer’s Bedroom:

Sliquid Silk: This is a hybrid (water/silicone) lube that seems to be safe for silicone sex toys. It lasts a little longer than a water-based lube. It’s a cream, and it’s glycerin-free.

Sliquid Organics (the blue one): This is a water-based lube. It’s also glycerin-free. It’s a little thinner than the Silk. This comes in four scents, and they aren’t labeled, but the labels are different colors. Make sure you smell them first. I did, and this is the only one I liked. Your nose may have other tastes. 

Good luck in your search for your perfect lube!  Update us in the comments when you find one that you like!

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8 thoughts on “The Beaver Whisperer and the Slippery Solution

  1. Great post! I see I’m not the only one who finds that alley entrance/third floor thing shady!

    I’d just like to say, tho–Ladies & Gentlebutches–keep it classy! Don’t fuck in the club bathroom! That’s just nasty! Also, if you do it at Machine they WILL stand outside the stall and bitch at you until you come out. Believe me–I’ve seen it! And how embarrassing is that?

    One question: what about lube for if you’re using a silicone dildo w/a condom?

    • Hey there!

      If you’re using a silicone dildo with a condom, you can use either a silicone-based or a water-based lube. If you choose a silicone-based lube, just be careful that the lube doesn’t touch the dildo after the condom comes off.

      Regarding fucking in club bathrooms, we don’t judge fetishes or fantasies around here. If you have a thing for public sex, it is definitely one of your safer options. There is no risk of being caught by someone underage, which is important. It is something, however, where you should do some reconnaissance work first. We’ve just learned an important reason why not to have bathroom sex at Machine (thanks!), but for those curious, I’ll let you know that the bathroom at Diva’s (Northampton, MA) is pretty ideal. The doors are solid wood and go from ceiling to floor, and the bathrooms are pretty clean.

  2. Thank you for answering my question. I know if I’m using a strap it would have a condom on it! So that’s important.

    As far as club bathroom sex goes…I don’t judge the fantasy, just the germs. Divas sounds nice, but pretty much every lesbian club bathroom I’ve been in was really disgusting! Especially as the night wears on–they get really trashed!

  3. I would also like to recommend Good Clean Love’s “Almost Naked” lube and a lube simply called Yes. Both are water based; Almost Naked is 100% vegan and both advertise as organic. Both are thicker so they stay put instead of dripping everywhere, both are glycerin- AND paraben-free, scent-free, taste-free and feel pretty much like the real thing once applied. NOT sticky at all. Sorry, I totally sound like a commercial for these lubes.. but they really are just that awesome. Definitely up there with Sliquid!

  4. I noticed that after my first dildo use, I got a yeast infection. A month later I used it again and have another infection. I bought lube, toys and toy cleaner from Pure Romance. I washed the dildo before and after. My RN friend told me that its unlikely I got the yeast infection from the toy. She says instead that it probably didn’t completely clear up the first time. But the first time was after using the dildo.
    Is it possible to get a yeast infection from a silicone (I believe that’s the material) dildo?

  5. Now and then this still might happen, especially because, when we’re very aroused, pleasure can cause us to space out on signals of pain. But with these adjustments, you can probably make it a rarity instead of a norm.

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