The Beaver Whisperer and the Love Glove

Q: Hi, I know it’s not nearly as serious as herpes (thank you for scaring the pants on me, by the way), but I wonder if you could say something about gloves? I got yeast infections twice after being fingered, and have been thinking that more serious diseases could be spread through cuts to the hand. Also, do you have any advice on negotiating safe sex? Thanks!

A: I hate gloves. 

There you go. It’s probably not the answer that you were expecting, but I hate them. OK, I lied. They’re fine for clitoral stimulation, but as far as penetration goes, I detest them. I might be alone in this, but I’m probably not. When someone is wearing gloves and has two or more fingers inside, I can hear the gloves rubbing against each other and squeaking.  ::shudder:: 

But, Beaver Whisperer, you just said that barrier protection is important! How can you hate gloves?

Well, my dears, I have a revelation for you. Condoms. Anyone who grew up with actual sex education probably remembers some funny teacher or performer putting a condom on their head to prove that no guy is too big to wear a condom. Well, if it fits on his head, it’ll fit on her fist. Stuff your fist into a condom and then you can use as many fingers as you (and her) like without the squeak! Brilliant!

As for yeast infections after fingering, well, this would be a possibility even with the use of a condom or gloves. Vaginal infections can be caused by irritation of the tissue along the vaginal walls. Sometimes, fingernails are the culprit. Keep ’em short. Remember, a long-nailed lesbian is a single lesbian (or someone being fucked by a stone dyke of some flavor). 

Vaginal infections can also be caused by allergies. Don’t let your girlfriend pet her cat and then fuck you without washing her hands first. Also, check allergies to any food substances she might have been handling, your lube, her nail polish (if it chips, it could also be an irritant), and even the latex from the gloves or condoms themselves.

Any fluid-borne infection can be passed between a vagina and a hand with an open wound. This is the #1 reason to wear gloves or a condom during digital penetration. 

Your last question is actually the easiest to answer. How do you negotiate safe sex? You don’t. You don’t negotiate, that is. If your would-be sexual partner refuses to utilize the safer sex practices that you desire, refuse to sleep with this person. There are plenty of girls who want to fuck you safely. Don’t sleep with the girls who don’t even care enough about you to slip on a glove (or a condom).

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5 thoughts on “The Beaver Whisperer and the Love Glove

  1. Pingback: In Space, No One Can Hear You Tweet « Just Another White Woman

  2. Thank you for answering my question Beaver sensei. Unfortunately she is no longer my girlfriend, so we won’t be exploring those factors.

    I’ll have to practice the fist-in-a-condom thing. (I can tell you,though–from my experiences with the opposite sex in another lifetime–that some men really do need to use the XL condoms.) What brand do you use?

    As far as negotiating safe sex goes–I’m not sure it’s an all or nothing game. All sex and relationships are a negotiation in a sense: do you like this? How about this? I was too chicken to talk to my ex about the infections, and besides putting a condom on a strap, I’m not sure how to really bring up safe sex with a woman in the context of getting intimate…?

    • Hey, just a heads up: the BW has been wicked busy as of late and hasn’t had time to mull over your new questions, but hopes to soon. Just wanted you to know you’re not being ignored!

    • Sorry for the delay in responding. I’ve been spending much quality time with my sad butch. She’s sad because I’ll be leaving on a month-long expedition to study the elusive South American beaver very soon. Just keep asking any questions that you have, and I’ll respond as internet access permits! (You have not been forgotten, dear readers)

      As far as I know, some guys use XL condoms because the average sized ones feel tight, not because they can’t actually fit into an average sized condom. Feel free to use whichever size is most comfortable for you and your partner (in sexyfuntimes, not necessarily the one you had before!).

      The condoms that I’ve been using lately are ones that I got for free at Pride (yay Pride!). There are several brands in the goodie bag that I got, but my favorite of the moment is One Classic Select (http://www.onecondoms.com/). What can I say? I like the pretty round packaging. As for the condom itself, I don’t think it’s that different than any other condom, but it does the job that I need it to do.

      ok, maybe you’re right. I mean, when a girl tells me that she wants to use gloves on me, I do have to negotiate to get her to use a condom instead, right? What I mean by not-negotiating is that you should never give in to not using a safer sex practice. You can, of course, always advocate for your preference. The best way to do this is to be prepared. When she pulls out the gloves, I just hand her a condom and ask her to use that instead. Be nonchalant. Behave as though what you are asking is completely reasonable and not at all unusual. Expect to be treated as you are asking to be treated. You’ll be surprised at how many girls will go along with what you’re saying just because you seem to know what you’re doing.

      Don’t treat barrier protection as something unsexy. When she starts to put her hand into your underwear, roll over, stick your bum up into the air giving her a great view, and reach under the bed or into your beside drawer to grab your gloves or condoms. Hand it to her or put it on her or stick in your teeth and make puppy-dog eyes. It’s all up to you and your style.

  3. No worries on the delay–its not like women are beating down my door to instigate unsafe sex. (Well, one did metaphorically speaking–but things didn’t get that far.)

    OMG you are too funny! I will definitely try these techniques!

    Have a fun and safe trip!

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