The Beaver Whisperer and the Mystery of the Butch Bottom

Q: “Butch in the street, femme in the sheets” or the reversal: Is this more common than not? Does it matter? Do those who ID as butch freak out when femmes get on top? What is a “butch bottom”?

A: Unless a butch self-identifies as a stone butch, you can safely assume that you will be able to touch your butch in some way during playtime. However, it is the eternal job of the femme to figure out how you can touch your butch in a way that will be ok, or better yet, welcome. The best way to do this, of course, is to have a sexy chat with your butch before playtime. This shouldn’t happen when your shirt is already off and her face is planted firmly in your cunt. If you are beginning a relationship and see funtimes (TM) in your future, you should initiate a sexy chat about what your butch likes in bed, what your butch is interested in but has never experienced in bed, and what your butch knows that she doesn’t like in bed. This isn’t a one-way conversation, of course; it’s also your opportunity to share the details that always get you off, never get you off, really turn you on, and completely turn you off. 

If playtime arrives and you haven’t yet had this educational discussion, the best advice I can give you is to go slowly and watch your butch for reactions. If you really aren’t sure if something is ok, it is ok to ask, but keep your verbal questioning to a minimum lest your butch decide that you just aren’t ready to top (even if it’s always been your passion in the past!).

My response thus far has not even addressed the inherent — well, it’s not sexism exactly, is it? — something in the whole idea of “butch in the streets, femme in the sheets.” Stone femmes exist, too, no? Not all people of any gender presentation like to be fucked the same way, so no matter who you’re sleeping with, a conversation before you begin is going to get you the furthest. Remember, consent is sexy, k?

A butch bottom can be one of two things. The first is a butch who likes to receive sexual pleasure via their cunt. The second is a butch who is submissive during sexual activity. 

Does it matter if more butches like to be fucked than not? I can’t tell you that. I suppose it only matters if you want to fuck a butch and she either does or does not want to be fucked. It doesn’t matter how many do like it if the one you want doesn’t, right? 

In my personal experience, most butches do not freak out when a femme gets on top. Those whom I’ve been with who did not want to be touched or fucked would gently tell me so when I attempted to top them. A real butch is a gentleman and will not freak out at you if you are a good femme who treads gently until you know which paths you are permitted to take. 

Thanks for asking! Please comment and give us your take on these questions!


3 thoughts on “The Beaver Whisperer and the Mystery of the Butch Bottom

  1. Usually when I’m at the kissing-where-can-I-put-my-hands stage I’ll take a moment to ask if she has any boundaries. I’ve gotten different answers, from–quizical looks, to–oh, I’ve got a lot of boundaries! But the great thing about most butches I know is that they know what they feel comfortable with and are good about articulating it.

    A (femme) friend of mine loves the dynamic of topping butches. Me, I like versatility.

  2. Thanks for commenting! You’re my first comment, thus you win first prize in the “Make the Beaver Whisperer Happy Today” contest. Thanks for playing!

    Like you, I’ve never gotten a negative response from asking what’s ok, and moving slowly and letting a butch tell you what’s ok works well, too, if that’s your preference.

    Yay for self-aware and articulate butches!

  3. A bit late to the article, but this helped a LOT! I recently came out of the closet when me & my butch bff of 14 years started dating. So I got curious when she said “I’m not sure what it’s called, but I prefer to ‘give’ than to ‘receive’ lol.” Which made me wanna do some research on the topic, and I found this. It helped…..A LOT! lol Thanks! ^_^

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