We cover a lot of heavy topics here at Buzz Cuts and Bustiers, from coming out and living with STDs to gender dysphoria and healthcare inequality. Sometimes, we just need to break up all the Serious McSeriousness with a light, frivolous, fun post, ya know? Well, I don’t have any new Dita Von Teese pictures to share with you (much to my dismay), so let’s talk about something else we all enjoy drooling over: hats!

Even the straightest of the straights and the freshest of the babygays know this to be a fact – dykes fucking love hats. It’s encoded into our Gay Gene, much like our innate need to over-analyze every sexual act or our inability to maintain long fingernails. Go into any lesbian bar on a Saturday night and you’ll see more hats than this guy could fit on his head. Baseball caps! Fedoras! Flatcaps! Beanies! Even cowboy hats, worn ironically or sincerely! The Mad Hatter was totally queer (look at that sassy pose).

Full disclosure: I, Bren, am a hardcore hat addict. (I’m also a hardcore tie, vest, and action figure addict; my episode of Intervention would be the most dapper/geeky ever.) Last year, Goorin Brothers opened a store in Boston and my wallet trembled in fear. If you’re a dyke – particularly a butch – who hasn’t yet heard of Goorin Bros. and is on a budget of any sort, stop reading now. It’s the chapeau-lovers answer to a candy store, or rather, a candy store where the best candy costs like $100. I really feel like I should just have an open tab at their Newbury St. store; I already have a customer loyalty card (only six more hats until my freebie!), which is just as dangerous.

Last weekend, I visited Goorin with my GF and a butch buddy of mine. We were the only customers in the store and the clerk was a fellow gender-nonconforming queer, so we had a blast trying on all manner of hats. Oh, should I say, my buddy and I tried on hats while my GF gave us the Femme Caesar thumbs up or thumbs down. Due to my ridiculously tiny head, which makes finding a good hat (fedoras particularly) a challenge, I got way more thumbs down. Or maybe she’s just a tougher critic when it comes to me; who knows? I finally ended up with the Lucas flatcap, while my buddy got the Andrew fedora. We were quite the stylish group, if I may say so myself.

When I asked my awesome butch, stud, boi, and genderqueer Twitter friends what kind of hats they like to rock, I got answers as diverse as our big LGBT family. Let’s explore some of our favorites, shall we?

The baseball cap. A wardrobe staple for sporty dykes everywhere, baseball caps are a great casual hat to throw on when you’re working outside, running to the store, or having a bad lesbian hair day (we all have ‘em, even us short-haired types). Fitted or adjustable (or “snapback,” as the kids call it), there’s a cap for every taste. I like the trucker look myself, despite it being tainted by Ashton Kutcher. (Totally buying that beaver hat, BTW.) Since I’m about as interested in sports as I am in men, none of my ball caps have athletic logos on them. But I don’t like the plain Jane look either, though it can look kinda cool and vintage. So what kind of baseball caps do I rock? Superhero ones, ‘natch. Geek: wear it loud; wear it proud.

The flatcap. Also known as the driving cap, ivy, cabbie, or scally, flatcaps are my personal fave for adding a dash of dapper to any outfit. I have roughly 40 million of these guys tumbling out of my closet: plaid ones, striped ones, wool ones, cotton ones, linen ones, you name it. I like pairing them with a suit vest and tie for a sort of turn of the century casual gent look. The flatcap seems to be a popular choice for butches, based on my Twitter research and the crowd at most Boston queer events. And fellas, let me tell you – the femmes go crazy for them. Just putting that out there.

The beanie. Beanies are classic cold weather gear, but they’re not limited to blizzard conditions. I see dykes beanied-out right in the middle of July. While I get hot just looking at them (not necessarily in a sexy way), many can totally pull off the SoCal hipster-skater look. We queers are versatile like that.

The cadet. Atten-TION! At ease, soldier. The cadet, which also goes by the army cap or the unfortunate “Castro” – a shout out to that stylish Cuban – is a favorite of socialists and hip young urbanites everywhere. I have a Kangol cadet that I sometimes think I look really awesome in and other times feel really dumb in, so your mileage may very.

The fedora. This may be one of the hardest types of headwear to pull off. Do it right, and you look like a super classy, Sinatra-esque smooth operator. Do it wrong, and you look like an aging rock star and/or a douchebag. I recommend saving your fedoras for dressier outfits – a full suit, or at least something involving a button-down. If you’re pairing your fedora with a T-shirt (or, worse, a sweatshirt), you’re gonna look kinda toolish. Just sayin’, man, just sayin’. Since fedoras are not my everyday hats and can be quite pricey, I only own a couple right now. My spring/summer fashion goal is to procure a straw fedora that doesn’t look completely ridiculous on me. I’ll keep you posted on my search.

But enough about me (not that you could ever get enough of me, amirite?) – what are your favorite hats? How do you rock ‘em? Pics or it didn’t happen!

Today, I’d like to discuss a topic that’s very close to my heart, and by “heart,” I mean “nether regions”: underwear for butches, studs, and other MOC people who have butts. You might be wondering how and why I decided to dedicate an entire post to something as seemingly mundane as skivvies, unmentionables, tightie whities, bloomers, or whatever cutesy nickname you prefer. Maybe you’re not aware of this, but speaking in general terms, butches love clothes. Some of us may even be a wee bit obsessed. My theory? After x number of years spent being forced into skirts, heels, bows, and other girly trappings, being able to finally dress the way you like and feel is a goddamn exhilarating moment. Some of us never come down from that high and will most likely spend the rest of our lives eagerly asking our oh-so-patient GFs whether Plaid Shirt A or Plaid Shirt B looks better with Tie C.

One of my favorite articles of clothing to buy (besides shirts, ties, hats, boots, sweaters, vests, sweater vests, and jackets) is underwear. I just can’t get enough, though the overflowing top drawer of my dresser might beg to differ. I love the variety of styles, patterns, colors, and fabrics; I own boxer, boxer briefs, and athletic trunks, but I’ve been favoring boxers as of late. Another thing I love? How downright studly I feel in a crisp new pair of boxers, with the waistband peeking out the top of low-slung jeans (pro tip: femmes love this, too). I feel like a champ.

For me – and, I would wager, for many butches – undies were the Last Frontier of masculine fashion to be explored on my pioneering journey of personal style (go West, young butch). Underwear shopping in person, far away from the safe, anonymous bosom of the internet, is a universally awkward experience. You’re basically forced to choose your most intimate items of clothing in a very public setting and then present them to some random cashier. “Hi *squints at name tag* Mackenzie! Thanks for ringing me up today. Here are some things that I’m going to put in my pants.” Now add in the nervousness/full-blown panic that comes with purchasing clothing from a section of the store that you supposedly don’t “belong” in. “Hi *squints at name tag* Steve! Thanks for ringing me up today. Here are some masculine-gendered things that I’m going to put in my pants, on top of my female sex organs. Can you break a $20?” So it’s no wonder that many of us make the switch to men’s underwear long after we already made the switch to, say, men’s pants or shirts.

I wish I had some really spectacularly wise advice to offer here, but all I can do is shrug and say, “You gotta get over it, buddy.” Or, I can also shrug and say, “The internet is your best friend; treat her well.” I buy a lot of undies online, but that’s because I’m lazy and buy a lot of things online. Don’t sweat over whether or not your new manly drawers will fit your womanly shape, because men’s underwear is sized the same way as men’s pants – by waist inches. If you know your jean size, you can figure out your boxer size. Most U.S. manufacturers use a conversion chart like this:

XS: 26-28

S: 29-31

M: 32-34

L: 36-38

XL: 40-42

…And so on. Now for the fun part – choosing your butch underwear style. I’ve outlined the pros and cons of each option below. Why? ‘Cause I love ya.

Boxers. These roomy bloomers are my personal favorite for a couple reasons: 1.) They provide ample leg room for my big ol’ thighs and 2.) the waistbands don’t roll down over my birthin’ hips. Basically, boxers are good for chubby (though I prefer “solid”) butches like me. Here are some of my recent picks (yes, they’re all from American Eagle, because I’m a brand snob, and yes, now you can more easily undress me in your mind). For those of you who don’t like the wide leg opening on traditional boxers or wear skinny jeans (I’m trying not to judge), there’s a new slim fit boxer style to consider.

Briefs. Full confession: I can’t look at briefs without thinking “Dad underwear.” This probably comes from growing up in a household where my father’s mountain of identical white Hanes briefs towered over each laundry day. I love him, but my Dad isn’t the most fashion-forward guy out there. While this style isn’t for me, there are plenty of butches who rock it and I’m sure look just as hot as Gina Gershon in Bound.

Boxer briefs. My informal Twitter poll (as opposed to all those very formal Twitter polls out there) found that this is the most popular style amongst MOC people who follow me and are therefore awesome. Boxer briefs pair the close fit of briefs with the leg opening of boxers. My favorite boxer briefs are from H&M and have superheroes on them (they currently only have Superman in stores, which is unfortunate, because Superman sucks). One of the best things about men’s underwear is, after all, the endless graphics possibilities. And the extra room for packing (link awesome, but NSFW).

Trunks. To complicate things further, there’s something between briefs and boxer briefs: the trunk. There are low rise and athletic styles, all of which fit snugly. I don’t recommend these for butches with big thighs, as the short leg openings will roll up awkwardly when you’re sitting. They’re great for playing sports or working out, though, and have the smallest “banana pocket” (gross) of all your options. Keep in mind that trunks don’t have front openings, so if you wanna pack and play on the go, these might not be your best bet.

A brief (heh) note: Wearing men’s underwear, much like wearing anything, is not a prerequisite for being butch. If you wanna sport a lacy G-string under your cargo shorts, then you do you, and don’t let anybody tell you you’re “not butch enough”. Gender policing isn’t cool, people. </after school special>

Because I’m a social media addict, I just had to ask my Twitter followers lots of inappropriate underwear-themed questions. A couple of these were, “Do you like wearing men’s underwear? Why or why not?” Here are some of the fantastic responses I got:

“Wear them every day. Love it. Makes me feel more in tune with my body.”

“Men’s underwear is all I wear. I prefer boxer briefs and athletic trunks. They fit your body better than boxers.”

“Boxer briefs. I wear all men’s clothes. Can you imagine taking off my clothes and seeing a thong? Have to wear men’s underwear. Plus way mire comfortable. Boxer briefs better than boxers don’t like #freeballing.”

“Yes I know I do. They’re more comfortable than women’s underwear and aren’t pink with hearts and shit.”

“LOVE it. They make me feel sexy and confident. Unlike women’s underwear, they make me feel more like myself. Just the right amount of masculinity.”

“I haven’t worn women’s underpants in years. Men’s [are] more comfortable in so many ways. Also, they last longer. #thriftybutch”

“Yes, because it’s comfortable and makes me feel hot.”

Would you too like to wax poetic about your intimates? Share a sonnet on your skivvies? Go wild and crazy in the comments! And if you really wanna improve my Google Image Search results, pics are welcome and encouraged. Stay sexxxy, my friends.

Gather ’round, my butch brethren, for I come to you today to discuss an important, yet often neglected person in the lives of masculine-of-center queers: the tailor.

Some of you younger dykes might think that tailoring is an old-timey skill that only Amish people or RPG characters care about nowadays. (Sidenote: the first Google search result for “tailoring” is, disturbingly, a link to a World of Warcraft page; I weep for the future.) But for those among us who aren’t statuesque models that can just ”wear it off the rack,” a tailor is the last line of defense between you and an embarrassingly ill-fitting outfit.

You might be thinking, “So what if my clothes don’t fit perfectly? This crazy blue and green space marble will keep a-turnin’ anyway.” This is true (or at least I think it is, but it’s been a long time since I’ve taken physics or geography or astrology or whatever class you learn that Earth stuff in). But let me ask you this, Mr. Smarty-Butch: do you really want to go on a first date looking like you borrowed your dad’s suit? Do you want to go to a job interview with your jacket sleeves flopping all around like Dopey of Seven Dwarves fame? Unless your date is a clown or you’re applying for the position of Chief Clowning Officer, the answer is no.

Now you might be thinking, “OK, enough with the clown jokes already; I get it. But Bren, having stuff tailored is expensive and I’m a poor performance artist/bike messager/community organizer/independent queer blogger!” I feel ya, homeslice. That’s why, unless you’re rich and have already donated to every known charity, I don’t advocate tailoring your entire wardrobe. With most everyday casual wear, you can get away with things not fitting perfectly. Shirt sleeves can be rolled up, jeans can be cuffed, and tees can be baggy. Once you get into the area of more expensive and/or dressier clothing, however, it may be Tailor Time.

So maybe you’ve finally accepted that your new suit jacket could use some customization. What should a consumer butch be considering while typing “alterations” into Yelp? Here are some things to keep in mind when selecting a tailor:

1.) Price. Think about how the cost and quality of the item you want tailored. If it’s a pair of $15 pants from Old Navy, you’ll be fine taking it to the dry cleaners down the street. If it’s a $500 suit from Bloomingdale’s, you need to find a more high-end shop. You gotta treat your threads right, buddy. I mean, you wouldn’t take the Queen of England to Denny’s for dinner (or maybe you would, I guess, depending on how you feel about the British monarchy), right? So never take your expensive clothing to a cheap tailor.

2.) What needs to be done. Make sure you actually know what part of your item you want altered, and how, before you get to the tailor. Walking in and just saying, “This jacket doesn’t fit right; can you fix it?” is obnoxious and makes you look like you don’t know your ass from your elbow. Saying something like, “I’d like the sleeves shortened a couple of inches” sounds much worldlier and will make the whole measuring/price-quoting process go more quickly. And if the tailor tries to suggest “taking in the waist” or “tightening the chest,” beware – he’s trying to turn your menswear into womenswear. Don’t let him dictate your style. Remember: you’re the boss here.

3.) Queer-friendliness. This is the scary part. While a tailor that specializes in menswear is probably your best bet craftmanship-wise, walking into a cis-male-centric space as a non cismale-bodied person can be an extremely intimidating experience. Any butch who’s ever been given the side-eye or treated with outward hostility in the mens’ department or a barbershop or a restroom knows exactly what I’m talking about. I recommend doing a lot of research beforehand. Look online for queer-friendly tailors in your area or just ask your MOC community members where they get their duds done.

If that doesn’t produce any leads, find the nicest-looking shop you can and deploy the age-old BAF method: Bring A Femme. It’s no secret that many a butch has been saved from rude sales associates and drunken meatheads by the wiles of a fierce and fearless femme. “Keep your head down and stay out of trouble” is a basic tenet of butch survival, but femmes? Man, femmes will stand there, armed crossed and eyes flashing, and call bullshit ‘bullshit’ right to its face. We love ‘em for it.

Hopefully, I’ve inspired some of you to go forth and get fitted. If you have any questions or think of something tailor-related that I forgot to offer my sage advice on, hit me up in the comments.

I’d like to close this post with a little shameless bragging about my new, freshly-tailored sport coat. It’s a tweed herringbone jacket from Rugby by Ralph Lauren, and it has elbow patches. Elbow patches are the shit. Observe:

Bam.

This week, I learned three things:

1.) It’s extremely easy to put gaping, void-like holes in the walls of my new apartment during innocent attempts to hang pictures (sorry, new landlord).

2.) Moving to a first-floor pad means being more careful about not changing in front of the window (sorry, new neighbors – or, maybe, you’re welcome).

3.) Everybody who reads this blog is really, ridiculously good-looking.

Amidst the madness of my move last week, I put out a call/plea/cry for help asking readers to send in photos of their sexy selves wearing their favorite fall outfits. In case you didn’t know, fall is my favorite season. There are just so many great things that happen during the autumn months – Halloween, foliage, the anniversary of my birth (will furnish present wishlist upon request), pumpkin-flavored food products, apple picking, all the screaming kids outside my window going back to school, etc. But perhaps my favorite thing about the fall is the clothing. It’s time once again for flannel, blazers, cords, sweater vests, and all the other stuff that makes my heart soar and my wallet weep. If you prefer your fashion advice in numerical list format, check out my 10 Fall Must-Haves for the Style-Conscious Queer.

I must say, when I ask for help, you guys always come through in a big way. Without further ado, allow me to share all the mega-chic entries I received. It’s like our own little Fashion’s Night Out (emphasis on the “out”)!

Here’s Amy, looking colorful and relaxed in a tank and skirt, with a jacket thrown over her shoulder in a classic casually-fashionable pose. Amy writes: “ I live in the tropics, so there’s no fall here.  But I do carry a linen jacket this time of year to put on when I go from chauffering mom to studio voice teacher. This is one of my favorite outfits.”

Then we have Angela, who is rocking the hell out of that trench, scarf, and fedora. Angela has an awesome story to tell about this outfit: “My favorite fall outfit this year took me by surprise. Last weekend, while at a small-town pride celebration in the midwest, I found this fantastic hat for one of my butches. Great pattern, a bit of sparkle – what could be better?! She wore it and looked damn hot all day long. The next morning, as a joke – I put on the hat (I never look good in them!) – and got a surprisingly enthusiastic response! My normally femme-alicious self was all of a sudden transformed…it was fun playing with a new persona in the hat! I put my long hair up, hat on – with dash of dangly earrings, scarf and a fun jacket….voila! New favorite fall outfit.”

Next up we have a butch-femme style two-for-one deal (don’t you just love a bargain?) with E and Amanda. Amanda gets an A+ for her essay: “This fall, we go back to school in style. E keeps it casual in well-fitting jeans and an easy, plaid button down. Her accessories – specs, watch, belt buckle – blend function and nerdy style in a way that says, “Yes, I’ve done my homework.” Amanda brings summer dresses and all eyes to the front of the classroom by donning leather boots, a denim jacket, and a hand-me-down scarf. We’re queering up the classroom in different ways, from different states.”

Last, but certainly not least, is Ashley, CEO and founder of Diffuse 5 and Boston’s unofficial Lesbian Wrangler. Ashley gets mondo points for combining an argyle sweater and a blazer, two of the greatest items of dyke clothing ever. Applause!

What an excellent and well-dressed collection of queerfolk, amirite? Thanks to all of you for sharing your style with the butch-femme webiverse!

As a bonus, I’ve thrown in a few shots of myself wearing some of my favorite fall items. Mine don’t look nearly as nice as the ones above, since my digital camera somehow died during the move, so all I had to use was my not-very-smart-when-it-comes-to-photography smartphone. Grainy pics, ahoy!

Here I am wearing one of my new(est) plaid shirts, bootcut jeans (skinny jeans = bad), a black tie (skinny ties = good), and a wool vest that I scored for $12 at Buffalo Exchange last week. Yes, that is a Dark Knight poster in the background.

Orange is the color of fall, people, and here I’ve managed to get it into my plaid AND my tie. Success. I’m also werqing a brown menswear fedora that still needs the perfect blazer/sportcoat to compliment it. That search continues…

My new greatest accessory: A wooden watch by Flud. I can’t wait to wear it while jumping into a big pile of leaves or chowing down on pumpkin pie.

Speaking of pie, here’s my lady modeling the newest addition to her fall wardrobe: a vintage-style apron. Yes, please.

Have a Happy Fall, everybody!

Kiddos, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that it’s thiiis close to being Fall, AKA the Season Superior to All Others (an indisputable fact). I’m also thiiis to moving into my new apartment located in a very gay-friendly neighborhood. The bad news is that I’m still in the fray of the packing/cleaning/sobbing-quietly-while-rocking-back-and-forth-in-a-corner phase of moving and I don’t have the time/mental fortitude for a proper post this week. I’m very sorry and will buy you all flowers to apologize once I become rich.

The post that I originally planned for this week (now postponed til next week) was about fall fashion – specifically, butch fall fashion, as I am butch and really don’t understand the mysterious trinkets and baubles that they sell in the women’s side of stores. I was going to take pictures of my autumnal wardrobe additions thus far, but I forgot and now they’re all packed up in boxes and bags with the rest of my life, so that’ll have to wait.

But wait, there’s more good news! In a fit of magnanimity, I’ve decided that it doesn’t have to be all about me all of the time (just, you know, most of the time). So instead of next week’s post focusing just on my style, I want to hear about your fall fashion choices as well. Butch or femme or somewhere in between, share your best fall clothing, accessories, or entire outfits. Pics are greatly encouraged! You can also email me your chic suggestions at prufrock1019@gmail.com or DM me on Twitter. Next week, I’ll put everything together and we’ll have ourselves one hell of a good-lookin’ new post.

Now, werq!