Today, I’d like to discuss a topic that’s very close to my heart, and by “heart,” I mean “nether regions”: underwear for butches, studs, and other MOC people who have butts. You might be wondering how and why I decided to dedicate an entire post to something as seemingly mundane as skivvies, unmentionables, tightie whities, bloomers, or whatever cutesy nickname you prefer. Maybe you’re not aware of this, but speaking in general terms, butches love clothes. Some of us may even be a wee bit obsessed. My theory? After x number of years spent being forced into skirts, heels, bows, and other girly trappings, being able to finally dress the way you like and feel is a goddamn exhilarating moment. Some of us never come down from that high and will most likely spend the rest of our lives eagerly asking our oh-so-patient GFs whether Plaid Shirt A or Plaid Shirt B looks better with Tie C.
One of my favorite articles of clothing to buy (besides shirts, ties, hats, boots, sweaters, vests, sweater vests, and jackets) is underwear. I just can’t get enough, though the overflowing top drawer of my dresser might beg to differ. I love the variety of styles, patterns, colors, and fabrics; I own boxer, boxer briefs, and athletic trunks, but I’ve been favoring boxers as of late. Another thing I love? How downright studly I feel in a crisp new pair of boxers, with the waistband peeking out the top of low-slung jeans (pro tip: femmes love this, too). I feel like a champ.
For me – and, I would wager, for many butches – undies were the Last Frontier of masculine fashion to be explored on my pioneering journey of personal style (go West, young butch). Underwear shopping in person, far away from the safe, anonymous bosom of the internet, is a universally awkward experience. You’re basically forced to choose your most intimate items of clothing in a very public setting and then present them to some random cashier. “Hi *squints at name tag* Mackenzie! Thanks for ringing me up today. Here are some things that I’m going to put in my pants.” Now add in the nervousness/full-blown panic that comes with purchasing clothing from a section of the store that you supposedly don’t “belong” in. “Hi *squints at name tag* Steve! Thanks for ringing me up today. Here are some masculine-gendered things that I’m going to put in my pants, on top of my female sex organs. Can you break a $20?” So it’s no wonder that many of us make the switch to men’s underwear long after we already made the switch to, say, men’s pants or shirts.
I wish I had some really spectacularly wise advice to offer here, but all I can do is shrug and say, “You gotta get over it, buddy.” Or, I can also shrug and say, “The internet is your best friend; treat her well.” I buy a lot of undies online, but that’s because I’m lazy and buy a lot of things online. Don’t sweat over whether or not your new manly drawers will fit your womanly shape, because men’s underwear is sized the same way as men’s pants – by waist inches. If you know your jean size, you can figure out your boxer size. Most U.S. manufacturers use a conversion chart like this:
…And so on. Now for the fun part – choosing your butch underwear style. I’ve outlined the pros and cons of each option below. Why? ‘Cause I love ya.
Boxers. These roomy bloomers are my personal favorite for a couple reasons: 1.) They provide ample leg room for my big ol’ thighs and 2.) the waistbands don’t roll down over my birthin’ hips. Basically, boxers are good for chubby (though I prefer “solid”) butches like me. Here are some of my recent picks (yes, they’re all from American Eagle, because I’m a brand snob, and yes, now you can more easily undress me in your mind). For those of you who don’t like the wide leg opening on traditional boxers or wear skinny jeans (I’m trying not to judge), there’s a new slim fit boxer style to consider.
Briefs. Full confession: I can’t look at briefs without thinking “Dad underwear.” This probably comes from growing up in a household where my father’s mountain of identical white Hanes briefs towered over each laundry day. I love him, but my Dad isn’t the most fashion-forward guy out there. While this style isn’t for me, there are plenty of butches who rock it and I’m sure look just as hot as Gina Gershon in Bound.
Boxer briefs. My informal Twitter poll (as opposed to all those very formal Twitter polls out there) found that this is the most popular style amongst MOC people who follow me and are therefore awesome. Boxer briefs pair the close fit of briefs with the leg opening of boxers. My favorite boxer briefs are from H&M and have superheroes on them (they currently only have Superman in stores, which is unfortunate, because Superman sucks). One of the best things about men’s underwear is, after all, the endless graphics possibilities. And the extra room for packing (link awesome, but NSFW).
Trunks. To complicate things further, there’s something between briefs and boxer briefs: the trunk. There are low rise and athletic styles, all of which fit snugly. I don’t recommend these for butches with big thighs, as the short leg openings will roll up awkwardly when you’re sitting. They’re great for playing sports or working out, though, and have the smallest “banana pocket” (gross) of all your options. Keep in mind that trunks don’t have front openings, so if you wanna pack and play on the go, these might not be your best bet.
A brief (heh) note: Wearing men’s underwear, much like wearing anything, is not a prerequisite for being butch. If you wanna sport a lacy G-string under your cargo shorts, then you do you, and don’t let anybody tell you you’re “not butch enough”. Gender policing isn’t cool, people. </after school special>
Because I’m a social media addict, I just had to ask my Twitter followers lots of inappropriate underwear-themed questions. A couple of these were, “Do you like wearing men’s underwear? Why or why not?” Here are some of the fantastic responses I got:
“Wear them every day. Love it. Makes me feel more in tune with my body.”
“Men’s underwear is all I wear. I prefer boxer briefs and athletic trunks. They fit your body better than boxers.”
“Boxer briefs. I wear all men’s clothes. Can you imagine taking off my clothes and seeing a thong? Have to wear men’s underwear. Plus way mire comfortable. Boxer briefs better than boxers don’t like #freeballing.”
“Yes I know I do. They’re more comfortable than women’s underwear and aren’t pink with hearts and shit.”
“LOVE it. They make me feel sexy and confident. Unlike women’s underwear, they make me feel more like myself. Just the right amount of masculinity.”
“I haven’t worn women’s underpants in years. Men’s [are] more comfortable in so many ways. Also, they last longer. #thriftybutch”
“Yes, because it’s comfortable and makes me feel hot.”
Would you too like to wax poetic about your intimates? Share a sonnet on your skivvies? Go wild and crazy in the comments! And if you really wanna improve my Google Image Search results, pics are welcome and encouraged. Stay sexxxy, my friends.